To Not Do List

Today is the company party to commemorate the new fiscal year. Beer, wine, and snacks will be provided. Therefore, there are certain things that I should keep in mind so that I'll still have a job come Monday.

1. Do not get drunk and make an ass out of myself.
2. Do not get drunk and make an ass out of myself!
3. Do not try to hit on any of my female co-workers.
4. Under no circumstances utter the phrase "Fuck yeah bro."
5. Do not play a rousing round of Lasers in the bathroom.
6. Do not organize a drinking game tournament.
7. Do not joke that I minored in drinking games.
8. No drinking games, period.
9. Don't show up, that's probably the safest bet.

edit: I made reservations for a table for happy hour at Gloria's at 11AM this morning. Talk about checked out.