Friday, March 17, 2006

WebMD is No Good For Hypochondriacs

My stomach STILL hurts from Tuesday's chicken-tasting-like-orange-juice incident. It's progressed from feeling like my stomach is in a vise, to just a throbbing pain in my lower right abdominal area. Since Epps is not yet a doctor (and nowhere to be found) I've done some self diagnosis. In the order of most to least likely, the disease that ails me:
  • Salmonella poisoning
  • Appendicitis
  • Mononucleosis
  • Irritable bowel syndrome (not likely, I don't have the requisite explosive diarrhea)
  • Intestinal parasite
  • Liver disease
  • Worn away stomach lining due to excessive capsaicin
  • Hernia
  • Pregnancy
The worst part is I don't get my insurance benefits until May 1st. If I don't die before then. Oh well, fuck it. I'm going to get the equivalent of White Castle tonight after work, and then I'm going to get drunk. It's good to be Irish.

posted by Eric at 10:10 AM

1 Comments:

Blogger shpprgrl said...

you forgot rotavirus on that list....my little one just lived through that AND i diagnosed it with webmd before the office visit. the difference is the doc has a cool prescription pad with her name on it....and lots of free pens, paper, clipboards, etc.

1:57 PM  

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