The Lone Ranger

Today, I'm the only person in my group that's at the office. That is to say, I'm the only person who doesn't really have overarching Labor Day vacation plans. Well, not enough to make it a five day weekend anyway (I get Friday off also).

It's kind of nice being the only one here. Basically it means I can nap, read Wikipedia, and mentally prepare myself for Team Creep's domination tonight without having to pretend to work (and also because I've finished all I'm supposed to do for the week).

This is interesting: A Miles Per Dollar calculator. At $2.56 a gallon, I'm paying $4.84 a day to come to work.

We Like, We Like To Party

According to the Princeton Review, Texas is ranked #1 and Penn State is ranked #2 in the party school category. My parents must be so proud of their children right about now.

The following picture montage is why it'll take me an hour and a half to get home today. Also a reminder to not talk on your phone while you drive, and if you do, don't do it in a Jeep.

Spitting Games

I heard the word "expectorate" for the first time while watching the most recent episode of Deadwood last night (having forgotten that Prison Break premiered also). According to Wikipedia, expectorate means "to spit". I then read about gleeking, spitting contests, and spitting in other cultures. Did you know that in some cultures, spitting games are done with kudu dung? Because apparently rocks are too dirty to put in your mouth.

Yeah, it's safe to say I have nothing really important to do today.

Ironies of Life

I don't get why some people lay toilet paper down on the toilet seat, drop a deuce, and then decide to not flush. If you're that concerned about cleanliness, can't you push the silver thingy down a little bit?

In the same vein, I don't get people who will pee at a urinal, not flush, but then use soap to wash their hands. How is your junk that dirty? And how have you not yet learned to not pee on your hands?

How come I think spending six dollars on a sandwich is excessive, but I'm more than willing to pay fifteen for a Dwight Schrute bobblehead?

Sometimes I Have A Lot Of Time On My Hands

As we're putting together a fantasy football league for the office, I'm also thinking of putting together a Russian Roulette league. One of my co-workers keeps a Nerf revolver in his cube (this thing is badass, by the way) and seeing as how it's sanctioned for use in presentations in lieu of a laser pointer, I think this activity would be company sanctioned. Judicious use of Wikipedia shows that other people have already had this idea:

All players put money in the pot. Each player in turn points the gun at their head and pulls the trigger. If the gun discharges, the person holding the gun is eliminated from the game. The last player remaining wins the pot.

Also, I like the drinking game version of this also. I'm surprised I haven't played this before:

Some students on college campuses have created a drinking game titled "Russian roulette". Similar colored shot glasses are collected and shots of water or vodka are poured into every one but one. Into the last one is poured a strong alcohol such as Everclear. The drinks are then mixed up and people randomly take a shot as a group.

Another version popular on college campuses in the 1980s was "Beer Hunter" (an obvious play on words from the most famous film depiction of the game). One can of beer in a six pack is shaken and returned to the other five. A player selecting the shaken can will have it "explode" in his face when he opens it, and must "chug" it down, as well as the other five.

This could turn out to be really fun.

I've noticed if I clap my hands a certain way while I'm walking down the hall to the bathroom, the resulting echo is kind of like a boingy sound.

This whole JonBenet thing is making me sick. I have a lot of things I could say right now, but most of them would result in horribly bad karma for me, so I'll just say, were she alive today, I'd want an invitation to her Super Sweet Sixteen. Oops.

Things That Irritate Me (Part 2 of Many)

I'm irked by weeks and weeks of temperatures over 100 degrees. Two days of 105 heat in a row just makes me melt.

While I was at lunch, someone stole two of the center caps to the wheels of my car. I don't get why they did that. Why not take all four? Or why take them at all? I found replacements for 6 or 7 dollars each on eBay. Just something weird about the clientele who eat at a Mexican restaurant adjacent to a strip club, I guess.

I've noticed that the music in my car is significantly louder in the morning than in the afternoon. I'll attribute this to me having to pump myself up in order to get to work.

Waking up early.

Drafting

I read about NASCAR on Wikipedia all day. It's actually quite interesting. This was probably an intended side effect of Talladega Nights, and probably why the bigwigs at NASCAR finally agreed to the movie: Brainwashing of the casual American.

Random seafood fact #1: Lobsters, like NASCAR drivers, also use drafting maneuvers to move faster in the water.

Random seafood fact #2: After molting, crawfish eat their former exoskeleton to replace their calcium levels.

I'm also very in the mood for a crawfish boil right now.

Hot Carl

One of my co-workers Carl is pretty much borderline insane. I'm not sure if it has something to do with the fact that he used to do a lot of drugs back in the 70s, or if it's related to childhood trauma from his mom taking him to the vet when he was sick (his four other siblings got to go to an actual people doctor), or from him having worked here for twenty something years. Either way, he's hilarious. Sometimes you'll hear him yelling at the machines in his lab, or throwing malfunctioning phones at the wall, or cursing loudly and randomly. My favorite Carl routine though, is when he walks around like he's our boss and says, "Hey guys, tell you what, this is what I want you to do. Take an hour for lunch. Go home around 5. You know what, I'll be even nicer, Saturday and Sunday, don't come in to work, stay home, have a good weekend." Carl is crazy.

Cruel Jokes Abound

I goosed myself in the balls this morning accidentally while putting on my pants. I'm not sure how.

Later this afternoon, my boss asked me to come with him to a meeting at Corpus. Me, thinking Corpus Christi, got all excited at the prospect of my first business trip, and was ready to cancel my doctor's appointment, until he said that Corpus the Company was right down the street. And then he said that the meeting wasn't important enough for me to reschedule my appointment. D'oh.

And now I need nasal spray, because Allegra isn't cutting it anymore.

Inevitabilities

I find it amusing that no matter when I get to the office, I always start working at exactly the same time: 10:15 AM. Additionally, no matter when I leave the office, I always get home at the same time: 6:15 PM. I suppose that further cements my hours as 9:30-5:30. Big who cares.

The plane tickets that my friend and I booked last night to Vegas at 300 apiece are 370 each today, likely as a result of gas prices going up and terrorist shenanigans. We got lucky in that regard, and as a rule, travel luck translates into Vegas luck.

Another rule is, no matter how much sleep you get the night before, a little turkey in your sandwich will turn into a big food coma half an hour later.

One Month Hiatus

So I'm back, despite having not gone anywhere. I took a month off to reflect on my life and focus on my job. I spent it drinking competitively, watching Entourage and Deadwood, and actually doing my job. All in all, time well spent.

I did, however, decide that I need to be doing better things with my time. I've gotten to the point where I don't hate my job so much (this is partly because as of August 1st, I received my vacation days and promptly scheduled one) but I still don't think of it as a career path. I need to stop spending my time and money in bars. And I need to stop thinking it's a good idea to drive home afterwards.

Furthermore, life should be about two things: challenging yourself, and improving yourself, because only when you like who you are can you like someone else. I'm going to get back in shape (the basketball team I joined should help, updates on this later), I'm going to renew my literary magazine subscriptions, I'm going to get a library card, and I'm going to stop spending so much of my time and money in bars. The balls are rolling starting now.